Beer For My Gundams
by BlackStarDragon
Summary: This is the product of afternoon bordem. What happens when Duo drags everyone to a country bar? Duh, all chaos breaks loose and people get drunk! Intended randomness, country songs gundam wing style, THERE IS A PLOT I SWEAR. 1x2, 34. Enjoy and please


~*Author's Notes:*~

BlackStar: Hiya! This is something me and Oko (also known as Fire-Wind1) whipped up for you this afternoon as a Thanksgiving Break treat.  Plus we had nothing better to do with our time since I got stuck on Kingdom Hearts.  It's really random, hes lots off OOC and strange twisted humor, but I know you'll like it anyways.  You will right???  And I promise there is a plot, somewhere…..it just takes a while. Hehe. ^   ^;;

Lena: *smacks BlackStar in the head with water bottle* Stupid wifey!

BlackStar: Owie! Lena, quit being such an abusive husband or I'll feed you peanut butter.

Lena: NOO!!! NOT THAT!! PLEASE!!!

BlackStar: *gets all high and mighty* BWAHAHAHA!! BOW DOWN TO THE PEANUT BUTTER QUEEN!!

Oko: *sigh* Romi I'm disowning you again.

BlackStar:  *sniff*  Noo…oko don't leave me!!!

Duo: Ack! What am I doing here?

*BlackStar and Lena tackle Duo and start molesting him* ^  ^ 

Oko: You're here to do the disclaimer…if you can ever get out of there.

Duo: *muffled voice due to crazy yaoi fan girls*  Oh….erm, okay.  Whatever torture BlackStar puts us through, she doesn't own us, despite her fantasies, but sue her anyways, she deserves it! Sue her!  Sue her!

BlackStar: *whacks Duo in the head* Shut up you! That's not nice.  For that you can't be Heero's lover.  I'll stick you with Hilde.

Duo: NOO!!! NOT THAT MASTER PLLLLEEEAAASSSSEE!!  Please don't take Hee-chan from me!!  *pause* Hey wait a second, you don't write non-yaoi stuff.  You won't stick me with Hilde.

BlackStar: Damn, I was hoping he wouldn't notice.

Duo: ^   ^ 

Oko: On with the story already, you're boring the audience.

Duo sat mindlessly on a couch.

"So bored……can't breathe….mind…slowly…deteriorating..."

"Duo, what mind?" Quatre asked.

Duo stuck out his tongue in mild rebellion.

"Shaddup Cat. Who asked you?"

"Bob, the little voice in the back of my head," the Arabian answered cheerfully.

Duo: O.o

"Cat, I mean this in the nicest way possible.  The Zero System SERIOUSLY went to your head."

"You should hear him on a bad day." Cat answered.

"You know what, before I become confused AND bored, forget I said anything," the braided pilot said, slowly scooting away.

Duo picked up the remote and began scrolling through the channels (he must have ADHD).

A man in an abnormally large cowboy hat caught his attention.

_"YEEHAW! Come on down to Wild Bill's, the best damn country bar ya ev'r did see."_

Flashing pictures of packed dance floors and mechanical bull rides danced on the screen.

"Ooooooo!  Shiny!!!!!" Duo said in awe.

He launched off the couch and grabbed a hold of Quatre's arm.

"IwannagoIwannago!!! Pllllllllleeeeeeeeaaaaaasssseee Cat! I'm sooooooooo bored!" Duo begged.

Quatre struggled to get away.

"Duo may I please have my arm back?"

Duo pulled out his gun and held it to Quatre's arm.

"Never! Agree or the arm gets it! MWAHAHAHA!!" he said in an overly-done gangster voice.

Quatre squeaked in protest.

"Okay okay! Just don't hurt my arm!"

Duo skipped down the hallways of the safe house.

"We're going to the ba~ar!  We're going to the ba~ar!" he sang.

Trowa stepped out of his room.

"We're going where?"

Duo turned around. 

"We're going to the ba~ar!"

Trowa: *cue the blank stare*

Duo giggled and continued singing down the hallway.

"We're going to the ba~ar!  We're going to the ba~ar!" 

Wu Fei was training (as usual) when we heard the singing.

He stormed out of the room.

"WHO THE HELL IS INTERRUPTING MY YOGA!?"

Duo continued his infernal singing (Geez even I'm getting annoyed by it and I'm the author.)

"Maxwell!  Will you stop that singing!?" the Chinese man yelled.

Duo shook his head.

"We're going to the ba~ar!  We're going to the ba~ar! We're going to the- EEEEEPPP!!!"

Duo was cut of in mid-sentence by a raging (and charging) Chinese pilot.

"If you don't stop that damn singing I'm cutting off your hair onna!"

"No fair!  You can't use foreign words against me!  I can't retaliate!" Duo called back behind him, still running for his life.

Duo saw the perfect safe spot up ahead, directly behind Heero.

He jumped behind the Perfect Soldier.

"Heero help me!"

Heero snorted.

"Depends.  Who did you annoy and why?" he asked as Wu Fei came racing towards them.

Duo gave a wide-eyed puppy stare.

"You're asking that at a time like this!?"

SMACK

Wu Fei ran head first into Heero's out-stretched fist.

"I'll let that one slide baka."

Duo grinned.

"I knew you loved me."

Heero glared.

"Not if you keep pushing it I won't."

Duo saluted.

"Yes sir. Sorry sir!" and ran off before any more Asians could charge at him.

After an hour of talking everyone, excluding Wu Fei, into going to the bar and another hour dragging Wu Fei to the car, the pilots were finally on their way.

"We're going to the ba~ar!  We're going to the ba~ar!" Duo continued to sing.

All together now.

"DUO SHUT UP!" his co-pilots screamed at him.

Duo sunk down in his seat sulking.

"You could've just asked."

Wu Fei turned to Heero.

"Remind me again how you can stand him?"

"Lots of duct tape, and kissing."

Wu Fei shuddered.

"Keep your personal life to yourself, Yuy."

Heero smirked to himself and said nothing. (Big surprise.)

The five pilots grabbed some stools at the bar as Duo tried to concentrate on all the shiny things around him.

"Bar tender I'll have a beer." Trowa said.

"Look!  Shiny over there!  Oo!  And there too!" Duo said, clearly in his own world now.

"Make that five beers."

It didn't take long for Duo to drag Heero to the dance floor with him.  After multiple line dances and only two rap songs, a man came on the stage.

Duo pointed.

"Heero look!!  It's cowboy hat man!!  He was on the commercial."

Heero glared at Mr. Cowboy-Hat-Man.

"Omae o korosu," he muttered to himself.

"YEEHAW!  Howdy folks!  I'm Mr. Wild Bill!  Owner of this here establishment.  And I'd like to announce this here karaoke contest!  Anyone willin' to participate sign up over yonda."  Mr. Cowboy-Hat-Man pointed towards a sign-up sheet in the back.

"Double omae o korosu," Heero hissed under his breath as Duo dragged him over to the sign-up sheet.

"Hee-chan!  Let's be a duet!" 

Heero stared at him in complete disbelief.  How could he, the Perfect Soldier, ever fall for this-this….idiot?

"Heero?

"You must be kidding."

Duo gave his famous puppy face and Heero forced himself to look away.

"I said no, Duo."

Puppy whine.

"No, dammit!"

Longer puppy whine.

"Omae o korosu."

Duo giggled and kissed Heero's cheek.

With a sigh, Heero gave in.

"Fine, but no Britney Spears songs."

Duo nodded his head in agreement.

Wu Fei stumbled over, completely drunk, to the karaoke sing-up sheet.

"You wanna sign-up?"

"*hiccup* Yesh I do madam," Wu Fei answered, unaware that this would be his undoing.

The man behind the booth stared for a moment then shrugged and signed Wu Fei up.

Duo stood on stage flipping through CDs.

"Dammit, there's no Christina Aguilera.  All they have is country." Duo whined.

Heero rolled his eyes.

"What did you expect; it's a country bar, Duo."

Duo pouted.

"I know, but but, the shiny pictures were just so tempting!!"

After a long debate over Blue Grass vs. Country, the two finally settled and sang an interesting rendition of Montgomery Gentry's 'Hell Yeah'.

 Duo skipped back to his seat, arms full of tips and even someone's underwear.

"That was fun!" he squealed.

Quatre nodded his head and smiled.

_"Smile and nod, smile and nod."_

"You're not listening to a word I'm saying are you?" Duo asked.

"Nope." Quatre said, then fell over into Trowa's lap.

"Ya know, it's hard to tell if he's drunk or not when he does that," Duo said to Heero, who also wasn't listening and replied with his classic 'Hn.'.

"Okay, next up in our karaoke contest is Woo Free?  Wu Fry?  Woo Fmee?  Dammit, I can't read is hand writing.  Wu something or other get your ass on the stage." Mr. Cowboy-Hat-Man says into the mic.

Wu Fei stumbled onto the stage, still drunk.  He flipped through the CDs mumbling to himself in Chinese…at least, we think it's Chinese.

After what seemed like eternity, in Duo time that is, Wu Fei picked out a song. 

What was supposed to be 'Whiskey for my Men, Beer for My Horses' turned out…well….a bit different.  It went something like this:

//Oh a man come on the six o'clock news,

say Relena's been shot, Relena's been abused.

Heero blew up a building, he stole a car.

Some OZ soldier got away, but didn't get too far, yeah

Didn't get too far.

My sensei told my sensei back in my day son,

A man had to answer for all the injustice he done.

They'd take all the rope in China climb a tall wall ya see

Round up all them bad boys, hang 'em high in the street.

For all the people to see.

And

Justice is the one thing you should always find,

You gotta saddle up your lovers, you gotta draw a hard line.

When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune,

And we'll all meet back at the local saloon.

We'll raise up our glasses against Treize's forces,

Singin' 'Whiskey for my men, beer for my gundams.//

After that much of the song Wu Fei threw up all over the stage and was dragged away.  The funny thing is, he won first prize.  

Heero and Duo sat Wu Fei down at the bar, probably not a good idea.

"I don't know which is scarier, the fact he sang, or the fact that he knew the words to a country song," Duo said, still shuddering at the thought of Wu Fei's singing.

"His singing.  Definatly the singing," Heero answered.

"Bar mender me wanna beer…a fear….a deer….a, ah hell.  More alcohol man," Wu Fei stammered.

The bar tender, a man named Sue, gave Wu Fei one of those 'yeah-right-you-can-forget-it-you-can't-even-talk-right' looks and rolled his eyes.

Duo grew bored of the bar, and getting Heero drunk was pointless 'cause the man had an alcohol tolerance higher than the Eiffel Tower.

He tugged on his half-lover half-tight ass co-worker's, not that a tight ass bothered him much, sleeve.

"Hee-chan I'm booored.  Can we go home now?" Duo begged.

'And do what?" Heero asked, even though he was bored too.

"Wild sex sound good to you?" Duo asked.

Heero shrugged.

"Sure, but no using carrots this time." Heero said, shooting Duo a warning look.

"Awww…..okay." the braided idiot agreed, very reluctantly.

Wu Fei woke up on a couch with just about the world's worst hangover.  

"Ooowwwww…my head.  Baka onna, dragging me to a stupid country bar, with stupid line dancing and stupid music.  The whole thing was stupid." He muttered to himself and went in search for some aspirin (which would take me another six pages or so sense Wu Fei's sense of direction wasn't at its peak at the moment and Quatre and Trowa had already used up all of the aspirin in the first place, plus I'm lazy like that.)

As he wandered around in search for the missing aspirin, he found himself singing a random song that sounded vaguely familiar.  

"Whiskey for my men….beer for my gundams."

~Owari~

~*Author's Notes Again (sigh):*~

BlackStar: Heh, just for your information, I don't expect reviews for this, flames maybe, but send reviews if you want. And by the way, I AM A COUNTRY FAN AND FROM THE SOUTH AND DAMN PROUD OF IT.  So I'm not making fun of it in a negative way…I think…Oko am I making fun of it in a negative way??

Oko: *sigh* No Romi. You aren't.

BlackStar: Okay!  Heh, and if the author notes go over your head, like Lena my abusive husband, their inside jokes, so give up before you pull something.  Heh, also I decided to spoil another food for all you new yaoi gals out there, and since strawberries and peanut butter (you DON'T want to know) was already taken, I added carrots to the list.  You may thank me later.  Hope you enjoyed the fic or at least understood it, and I hope you didn't laugh too hard or anything, because I don't have time to deal with law suits with finals coming up. Anywho, ja ne!

Oko, Lena, BlackStar & Duo: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!


End file.
